Grieving is a new process for me - I never had to really grieve before because no one has died that has been close to me. My grandfather on my mother side died before I was born, but the rest of them are still alive. A close family friend died a few years back, but I was away and wasn't able to engage like the rest of the family did.
But since Abel has passed away, grieving with my wife has been eye opening and it has made me more grace-oriented. It is by God's grace that we can grieve and I realized that we need to show that grace to others to help each other grieve.
Our doctor said something that made an impression on me. "You have to grieve. You will either grieve now or grieve later." Although I think I knew that in the back of my head, it was a good statement to take to heart. I think men have this idea that we have to be strong and resist showing tears and publicly grieve. But I think that is just delaying the inevitable and may make the grieving process harder.
The trick is to figure out how to grieve.
I think I'm still figuring it out myself....but it involves allowing yourself to remember -- when those waves of memories and thoughts come -- the moments you had, to miss them, and to mourn all the future plans and dreams that won't become reality. Should that strike you publically or privately...few tears or many...let it out. My thoughts are with you guys.
ReplyDeletePeace.
Missed you blog, Josh. Good to see you share in here again. I haven't had to grieve very much yet and I do have fears how it would be when it comes. Josh, you're a very intellectual and analytical person and so I'm guessing that your grieving process may be different from someone who expresses emotions through tears. I agree that you need to grieve but remember that it can take many different forms and just be yourself. May God's grace be with you and Deb.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're blog is back Josh!
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